Sunday, October 5, 2008

I love Nigeria!

No, really, I do. I mean, where else would I get my daily (some days hourly) dose of humor if it wasn't for the small (??? I'm guessing here. I don't actually know too much about Nigeria, other than I'm thinking I'm NOT related to all these dead rich people there) country which appears to have some type of epidemic going on. I mean, what else could explain all of these dead people with no next of kin and millions of dollars? I NEVER KNEW I had so many long lost relatives. Oh wait, maybe I'm not related to them... maybe our last names just have a letter in common, and that entitles me to their huge inheritance. Who knows. But anyways, you have to love the stories they come up with. My absolute favorites are the ones which start "Dear Sister in Christ." Those ones REALLY crack me up. No one addresses me as their dear sister in Christ except for random people from Nigeria looking for someone to dump millions of US dollars onto. Anyways, for those of you who don't get Nigeria letters (of course, if you don't get a Nigeria letter every once in a while I'm thinking you're not reading my blog, because you probably don't have email, or, for that matter, a computer), here you go. Have a laugh!
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am highly delighted to be in contact with you and sorry
for the embarrassment this mail might be to you as we have
not met or known each other before but please feel free to
write me back and let me know if you can be of help.

I am Mr. Don Williams. I was a good friend to Late Mr. Roy
J. a national of your country, who until his death has no
wife nor son or daughter to claim his assets hence he was
buried here.

He was a contractor and has spent most of his life in my
country Nigeria. Mr. Roy J. were involved in a car accident
along Benin/Onitsha express road and unfortunately lost his
life on the 27th day of September 2006 at Onitsha. Since
then I have made several enquiries to your country embassy
to locate any of my friends extended relatives, this has
also proved unsuccessful hence: he has no next-of-kin at the
time of his death.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to
contact you since all my effort to trace or locate any
member of his family failed me so that you as a foreigner
will assist me as my late friend next-of-kin in repatriating
the assets and Capital valued at US$6.5 million left behind
by my friend before it gets confiscated by the bank where
these huge deposits were lodged as treasury bills.

The said Bank in Nigeria has issued me a notice to provide
the next of Kin or have the Treasury bill confiscated. Since
I have been unsuccessful in locating any of my friend's
elatives for over three Months now, I seek the consent to
present you as the Next-of-kin to the deceased since you has
the same last name with my late friend, so that the proceeds
ofthis treasury bill can be paid to you.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall
then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for claim. I
have all the necessary information needed to back you up for
the claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation
to enable us see this transaction through.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate
arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the
law. Reply through my alternative e-mail address:

I wait to hear from you soon.


Mr Don Williams

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